12:17 am. right now, im 20 for the first time.

hmmm.
im listening to sigur ros really loud.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still want to pee in my pants
when i think about my trip in 3 weeks.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still think potty and preverted humor is funny.
i still want to play dress up in my
(newly cleaned and straightened) closet.
i still hate high heels.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still long for the beach
and squeal at the fact that its
(not only my birthday) but
THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER.
i still loveeeeee disney movies
and finger painting.
i still love mocking people
when they are being silly or super eccentric.
i still like to roll my windows down
and sing at the top if my voice
to my music.
even when i dont know the words.
i still miss my mom.
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still have no idea what im going
to do with my life.
like i did 24 minutes ago.
when i was nineteen.
i still love halloween.
i still love ice skating
and having the bumpers up
when i go bowling.
i still love the childrens museum
and the zoo,
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still love blowing bubbles
and sidewalk chalk.
i still love hop scotch.
and climbing in trees.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still love silly pranks
like surprise water balloon attacks.
and being terrified of roaches.
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still like breaking the rules
just to see how far i can get
without being reprimanded.
i still love telling useless
and pointless stories just because
the words and characters
are lovely.
i still love rainbows
because they are colorful.
and they appear in the sky like magic.
i still get excited about
a new box of crayons,
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still laugh when things are awkward.
and i still run away when im sad.
i still love making cupcakes
with pink icing and green sprinkles.
i still love trampolines
and picking flowers.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still love running through sprinklers.
i still write funny things on myself
so i wont forget it tomorrow.
the way i did thirty minutes ago.
i still think school sucks and
tests are straight from the bad place.
im still nevous about india
because its a new place
for the first time.
like i was when i was nineteen.
i still have no idea about anything
at all not even a little bit.
the way i always have never had any
idea about anything not even a little bit.
and i still think that the Lord is bigger
than the boogy man,
and the monsters on tv.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i dont feel any different.
i dont feel like an adult.

hmmmm.
maybe i will feel less like a
teenager after i wake up
tomorrow morning.
maybe.