you are beautiful, my sweet sweet song.

much has happened.
how could it not?
we met the girls at the Hope House two days ago.
they are wonderful
and beautiful
and im in love with them cpmpletely.
the Lords grace here is undeniable
and unfathomable.
He is so big!
i forget that.
we went to the beach yesterday.
we had to all swim in our dresses because
bathing suits arent allowed here.
it was so sweet to hold the hands
of the ones the Lord has not forgotten,
on the contrary.
the ones whom the Lord has kept
so so safe.
tucked right next to His heart.
the ones whom we dotes on,
and is mesmirized by.
holding their hands,
looking into their big beautiful awe struck eyes,
with my feet digging into the sand,
and the bay of bengal lapping at my toes.
this is what the Lord intended for us.
love.
compassion.
quality time.
sacrifice for others.
understanding.
fellowship.
community.
encouragement.
giggles.
gifts.
surprises.
holding hands and,
the sea.

Father God,
You are so good to me,
you heal their broken hearts,
you are my Father in Heaven.

annnnnnnnnnnd im in india.

i am in india! praise God for our safe travel! no rediculously long lay overs, no lost luggage, no delays!! our plane trip to germany went really smoothly but it was really hard to sleep on it. we sat next top a really nice woman who teaches german in roswell new mexico. she was actually peyton's german teacher. small world! we got into germany around 9 30 in the morning and had to run to get to our next flight. we took a tram across the air port and had to take a bus. we did not use a terminal, we were outside and went up stairs to our plane. ive never done that before! on the eight hour flight to chennai i sat next to a wonderful lady, dolly, who has a baby names joshua with her. he was such a happy baby! never cried. it was so pleasant to sit next to them. ok. so, we got to chinnai and ruby was there to pick us up. it is soo hot here. hot and sticky even at night! we took a two and a half hour bus ride to the hospital that we are staying at. thought we would stay at the orphanage, but i guess not. there are two to each room. they are so great! we have our own beds and a bathroom with a toilet and a shower bucket haha. had a few run ins with GINORMOUS spiders, but hey. its india. what do you expect? right now im at ruby's house. some of the girls went to the market with ruby and some of us stayed here. anyway, we are going to the bank today to convert our money and we are going to go shopping in the local market after the bank. we will eat lunch and dinner here and then ruby wants us to go to sleep early tonight so that we can be over jet lag. man. im so tired. ummm i dont have a lot of time so here are a few things that i have taken mental note of:

there are cows everywhere.
they are sacred, so they can do whatever they want.
everyone is barefoot.
lots of people sleeping on sides of roads.
crazy drivers. we have gone by bus to a lot of places
and each time is a story in itself.
there are no stop lights, stop signs, no rules.
people honk their horns for everything-
to say hi, to be rude, to let other drivers know they are there, ect.
ruby's kids are wonderful.
it smells like spices here.
chennai is known for its silk.

other things: i have not gotten my sim card yet, i will soon though! im happy and healthy and so excited for what the Lord has planned for us here!!
love yall.
keep praying:)

What can i say? What can i do? But offer this heart, oh God, completely to You.

In Paul's letter to the church of Laeodiceans, he begs with them to allow Jesus to take full control of their lives. He uses in his letter, the greek word katoikeo, which means:to take residence in a home. He uses this word to get his point across rather than a similar word, patoikeo, which means to be a guest in one's home. He specifically uses the word katoikeo because he does not want the Lord to be a guest in our lives. Telling the Lord, "YES!" means so much more than meeting Him, and forgeting.
To say "YES!" to our Lord and Savior means submitting ourselves to Him.
our decisions,
our words,
our actions,
our relationships,
our problems,
our footsteps,
our hearts,
our LIVES.
lukewarm ways of life are fruitless.
they mean nothing.
when we are lukewarm,
we are neither hot nor cold.
Jesus is standing at the door of our hearts
saying,
I'm here.
I'm waiting.
I want to come in.
You only have to let me.
enough of this mediocre life!
He desires more for us.
the Lord of the universe has called US, us, by name!
He cares.
He loves.
He forgives.
The maker of the stars wants to know us intimately!!
How can we sit here, and think the
most romantic poet
of all time,
would want anything less from us then
the most intimate, personal, and romantic of all relationships?
He called us into being,
SO THAT we could know Him and love Him.
we are here for Him.
everything belongs to Him.
our heads.
our hands.
our hearts.
no more of this lukewarm.
we need to live passionately.


"I know thy works, you are neither hot nor cold. So that you are neither hot nor cold, you are lukewarm and I will vomit you out of my mouth." Revelation 15-16

Thanks be to God that our Lord desires us so
fully and completely that He it makes Him SICK
when we settle for less.


Father God I have invited you into my heart,
but I am treating you like a guest.

Rwanda♥

right now my friends are in rwanda, africa.
they got there today.


Father God keep them safe.
keep them in the palm of Your hand.
You promised You would never leave us,
so Father,
dont leave them!
but rather,
draw near to them.
keep them so close.
whisper to them Your promises.
remind them of Your steadfast love.
guide them.
strengthen them.
reveal to them Your plan for them.
You are so grand
with grand plans
in grand places.
Father keep them in Your love,
so that Your love may shine through them
to Your people of the nations.

patience is a virtue, but AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH

ok. here's the sitch:
these two and a half weeks-ish before i leave for india,
i was going to stay in lubbock.
i was going to just chill and relax and be by myself
and work out and drink coffee and read the bible.
i wanted to use this time to seek the Lord and focus
on getting ready for what He has for me in India.
but yesterday morning i woke up
with a longing to go home.
and without even thinking i told my friend
i wanted to hop in his car and ride with him to houston.
i threw some clothes in a bag, grabbed my
laptop, phone, and phone charger and left.
it was so spur of the moment.
it took us so long to get home but it wasnt that bad.
i stayed at a friends house and right NOW
this very second im waiting for my brother
to get out of church to come get me
so we can go surprise my mom at whatever restaurant
she chooses to eat lunch at.
neither parents know im in houston.
neither of them have ANY IDEA im here,
and its going to be soooo fun to surprise them.
it will be an awesome mothers day!
but its SOOOOOOOO hard to wait for my bro to come get me!!
i just want to hug them and let them know im here
and that im sorry for fighting about staying in Lubbock.
they begged me to come home
and i fought and fought and fought
to stay.
why? for what?
we can be so irrational sometimes.
now, i still want to relax and seek the Lord before my trip,
and i will!!
but lets be real.
i want my mommy.
:]

today is going to be amazing.
the Lord is so good to me:]

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

you're a pretty human being
yeah, you're a pretty human being

oh yes,

and also, i love this.
that is all.

.............................................................

i suppose i can only learn my lesson,
and wait to take more pictures with you.
when i get the chance.
cuz quite frankly, i just dont have
very many.
and also,
i miss you.

sometimes,

we need to stand up and praise Him.
we need to stand in His presence.

lets call a spade, a spade.

im about to get real honest here.
i can be moody.
real moody.
i can be mean.
and unkind.
and resentful.
i am WAY too emotionally driven.
completely taken over by my feelings
and desires.
my demons can show their ugly faces.
and i can say mean things.
and think ugly thoughts.
man, i hate that!
i wish i was not like that.
but, i suppose in a sense
that would be like wishing
i was a robot,
with no heart, right?
right!?

as much as i have discovered
JUST how much of an extrovert i am,
i have discovered just how much
of an introvert i am as well.
i need to be around people
as much as i need to be away.
before college,
i didnt really realize that was an option.
i thought you
"liked to party"
or
"you liked to read"
there was no middle ground.
man!! how wrong i was.
stereotypes.
forgive me, reader.

for i am both.
i need people's company
in the way that i need to bathe myself.
in the way that i need to exert my
creativity, such as painting,
photography, journaling, ect.
i need people in the way that i need
to listen to music,
and watch lost.
all of these things inhance my personality.
they inhance who i am.
art, music, entertainment.
they are curcuits to my happiness.
they allow me to reach
(forgive my lack of better words)
"the maximum elizabeth".
HOWEVER.
without these things,
i would still be elizabeth.
i would be blonde, a sophomore at tech,
a sister, daughter, niece, grandaughter.
i would still love the Lord.
i would still love the things i love,
and hate the things i hate.
i would still be kind at heart,
and loud.
i would still be rediculous
and irrational.
i would still laugh a lot
and want to spread the gospel.
i would be all these things.
i would not NOT be elizabeth
if music suddenly didnt exist.
these wonderful things,
however, do exist.
and because of this
i learn more.
i feel more.
i want more.
i love more.
they make me...just...more.
whatever that may be.
whatever that may mean.

people. crowds. relationships.
these things make me more.

oh the other hand.
i need time by myself
in the way that i need to breathe.
in the way that i need to sleep.
in the way that i need to eat.
these things are essential to my very being.
without these things,
i would NOT be elizabeth.
i would be less of what i am now.
i would stop existing.
i need these things to FUNCTION.
time by myself,
to think,
to journal,
to pray,
to analyse,
to process,
to be.

now THAT. i did not know about myself.
and, if i do not have time by myself,
an extrovert,
i get moody.

moody.

moody.

moody.

and for that, i am truly sorry.

i shall try to improve.

12:17 am. right now, im 20 for the first time.

hmmm.
im listening to sigur ros really loud.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still want to pee in my pants
when i think about my trip in 3 weeks.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still think potty and preverted humor is funny.
i still want to play dress up in my
(newly cleaned and straightened) closet.
i still hate high heels.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still long for the beach
and squeal at the fact that its
(not only my birthday) but
THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER.
i still loveeeeee disney movies
and finger painting.
i still love mocking people
when they are being silly or super eccentric.
i still like to roll my windows down
and sing at the top if my voice
to my music.
even when i dont know the words.
i still miss my mom.
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still have no idea what im going
to do with my life.
like i did 24 minutes ago.
when i was nineteen.
i still love halloween.
i still love ice skating
and having the bumpers up
when i go bowling.
i still love the childrens museum
and the zoo,
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still love blowing bubbles
and sidewalk chalk.
i still love hop scotch.
and climbing in trees.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still love silly pranks
like surprise water balloon attacks.
and being terrified of roaches.
like i did when i was nineteen.
i still like breaking the rules
just to see how far i can get
without being reprimanded.
i still love telling useless
and pointless stories just because
the words and characters
are lovely.
i still love rainbows
because they are colorful.
and they appear in the sky like magic.
i still get excited about
a new box of crayons,
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still laugh when things are awkward.
and i still run away when im sad.
i still love making cupcakes
with pink icing and green sprinkles.
i still love trampolines
and picking flowers.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i still love running through sprinklers.
i still write funny things on myself
so i wont forget it tomorrow.
the way i did thirty minutes ago.
i still think school sucks and
tests are straight from the bad place.
im still nevous about india
because its a new place
for the first time.
like i was when i was nineteen.
i still have no idea about anything
at all not even a little bit.
the way i always have never had any
idea about anything not even a little bit.
and i still think that the Lord is bigger
than the boogy man,
and the monsters on tv.
the way i did when i was nineteen.
i dont feel any different.
i dont feel like an adult.

hmmmm.
maybe i will feel less like a
teenager after i wake up
tomorrow morning.
maybe.

love, kindness, compassion

its the same in any language
a brother is a brother
if theres one thing i know
its the same in any language
wherever you go

Express Yourself

Some people have everything,
and other people don’t.
But everything don’t mean a thing
if it ain´t the thing you want.
Express Yourself

i'm completely mad.

but madness is a characteristic
one must learn to love and embrace.

sigh.

is this how it starts?
and how is someone supposed to stop it?
how does someone keep all the water
in a breaking dam?
how does someone keep the water from
destroying everything in its path?

Tomorrow I Will

call an old friend
read the bible
shop for long skirts
to wear in india
study a tiny bit for my last final
sleep in
go for a run
catch up with my mom
and tell her how much i miss her
listen to Jon Foreman
spend time with the Lord
love someone i can hardly stand
lend a helping hand
laugh at the pictures we took today
appreciate the wind
...well maybe.
go to tj max
and try on dresses
maybe make some jewlery from hobby lobby
maybe paint some things
--my toe nails for sure.
attempt at cleaning my closet.
its a monster.
do something i have never done
hold a conversation about something new
and allow the Lord to guide my steps.
or try my hardest as least.

i want to mean the things i say.

all the time.

i have a lot of wishes.

this is an older post from about a year ago.
but i thought i would respost it because it still rings quite true:


i feel like the things i enjoy contridict themselves.
like, i just LOVE Jesus.
He is my favorite,
but i like rap music,
and some rated R movies.
I like going to Montrose
and meeting allll kinds of characters there.
some people I meet
are homosexuals
and thieves.
I like dumb shows on mtv.
Sometimes I cuss.
now, I dont like that,
but sometimes I do.
I'm a girl full of contradictions.
I dont know if thats a good or bad thing.
So until I figure that out,
it just is what it is.

i want to go to boston.
really bad.
i think id like it there.
people say the east coast is too busy,
but i think id enjoy it.
the open road excites me.
i want to go on a road trip and not plan anything.
i just want to drive across the country
and see what happens.
scratch that,
i want to backpack across
europe and stay in hostels.
and meet new people.
and speak the French that I have learned.
and make money with my pictures.
or my art.
and draw everything all the time.
like hands.
i love drawing hands.
and trees.
and that catholic church on main street.
i like to draw people who
have curls in their hair.
and people who wear flowy clothes.
scarves and skirts and such.
if i could live any way i wanted,
i would just travel.
and take pictures.
and praise God every day.
i would be a missionary part of the time.
i know that selfish that i say part of the time,
but like i said, i contradict some things.
i would try to find a cure for cancer.
and go talk with people in Calcutta, India who have aids.
i would share the gospel to them.
Like Mother Theresa.
i would buy clothes from different cultures.
and wear them.
i would go to so many more concerts.
i would want every day to be around 70 degrees,
and overcast.
and i would always roll the windows down.
i would never run out of gas.
I would visit the beach a lot more.
Become better friends with the sun.
And the waves.
i would jump on a lot more trampolines.
and sing a lot more karaoke.
and play a lot more sports.
and eat more chips and salsa.
and learn the waltz.
and the tango.
and buy a sail boat.
and listen to Matt Wertz all the time.
with a little bit of playradioplay,
and postal. of course.
i would buy a guitar and teach myself.
or better yet, a ukulele!
that way i could make my own music.
not that i dont love the music on my ipod,
cuz i do.
but if i created my own music,
it would be the way I wanted it.
it would be as long as i wanted
or as short as i wanted.
it would be the chords i chose
specifically for the certain words i would sing.
it would have this melody, or that.
and there would always be room for harmony.
i would sing duets with my dad
and have my brother play the piano.
but most importantly,
it would be my own.
and i would feel like i created something in this world.
that i left something to be remembered.
something that was worth remembering.
i want to leave a mark.
so that the world is somehow changed when i leave it.
i want to have some sort of influence.
i would buy a puppy.
and write my novel.
i have so many ideas.
i have so much to say.
i would forgive everyone who has hurt me.
and help others with their hurt.
and fish.
i wouldnt be so directionally challenged.
i would get over my fear of heights.
and just jump out of the plane already.
i wouldnt over think things anymore.
and sing so much more.
i kind of want to hold all of my conversations in song.
like living in a musical.
and not think about yesterday, unless it was necessary.
but if i lived the way i wanted, it would never be necessary.
but i might just want to.
and getting lost would always be an adventure.
mainly because i get lost everywhere.
i would devote every day to learning new ways to love God and love people.
i want to experience everything beautiful.



ever heard of a dreamer?