Things I never asked for, but got anyway.

My words never end up meaning what I intended them to.
I either speak too much, too little, or too quickly.
Maybe thats why I like to write.
My words escape my mouth while my thoughts are still developing.
I sometimes say things that are inconsistant with my character.
Sometimes I say things that I don’t mean.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t feel I make myself understood.
Mostly because I don’t even understand myself.
Sometimes I think really mean thoughts.
Sometimes I want to scream mean words.
But I dont.
And thats a good thing.

I love to take pictures.


I get very sick of this one situtation of which is on my mind right now.
Everytime I think about it I get sleepy.
I feel lied to. All the time.

I'm so proud of my sister.

I love my brother.
he's my favorite.
I cant wait to live in the same are as Goodies Kitty, Alyssa,
Jewls, ERIN, Rae, KRISTEN, Mick, Rachael, Autumn Bottom, and Stace.
I will be very releived when i finally do.

I lose sight of my goals.
Lose weight.
Learn more.
Keep in touch with so-and-so.
I hate makeup but I wear it anyway.
I have an obsession with shoes.
But I swear I'm working on it.
I doubt God.
I'm scared to be in love.
Its such a risk.

John 15:19,
Romans 7:19, and Hebrews 13:2
are my favorite Bible verses.

I tire of people.
I tire of my thoughts.
I trust too much.
Noone gets my jokes.
I find myself thinking of "what could have been" with him.
But then I get angry.
Because I hate him.
I regret my memory of him.
I hate pointless social-rules and table manners.
I wish I played an instrument.
I wish I excelled in something.
I wish I hadnt given up art for my sorority.
It wasnt worth it.
I wish I could cut all my hair off without a thought.
I love to cuddle.
I stay up too late.
I daydream in my lecture classes.
I doodle like its no ones's business.
I miss my old friends.
But love my new ones.
I fantasize.
and daydream.
and wish.
And lust.
I'm absent minded.
sometimes aloof.
I'm too curious for my own good.
I miss my yellow 'stang (Sunny).
I eat Bahama Bucks knowing it makes me sick.
I love children's books.
I want to write a novel.
I want to wear more dresses.
I want to live on the east coast.
and the west coast.
and France.
and Moracco.

Motorcycle Driveby by Third Eye Blind makes me sob.
Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups gets me pumped up.
PlayRadioPlay is too amazing for words.
Tally Hall makes me long for home.

Julia Sherman can make me pee in my pants like no one else.

I feel very observed, but never analyzed.
People take everything for face-value and first-impressions.
People that I can't calculate intimidate me.
I dont like mirrors.
Or guns.
Or knives!
I have an irrational hate for math.
And an irrational fear of being kidnapped.
And I have the strangest hand fettish.
I am drawn to them and I draw them. Werid huh?

Sometimes I snore.
and I love the smell of cigarette smoke.
Sometimes I feel the most lonely when the most people are around.
I say babyhead too much hahahaa.but really.
I have rediscovered my obsession with trampolines.
Diffindooferday is my favorite Dr. Seuss book.
I have musical aspirations that I will never reach.
I dont mean to be sinical,
just stating the facts.

I never cried when my grandma died at the beginning of the year.
I dont know why.

I like the sound of breathing.
Its nice.
Other than hands my favorite parts of the body are
collar bones and
eyelashes.
oh, and cheek bones.

The world fascinates me.
People are so complex.
I have abandoned some dreams.
Clung to others.
And discovered new ones.
I try to take life as it comes.
But I worry too much for that kind of lifestyle.
I wish certain things didnt follow me to college.
I dont want to remember them.
The mind is suprisingly fragile sometimes.
I can rarley make up my mind.
I try to please everyone.
My world has tipped more than once.
It sucked.
But I feel stable.

I'm not sure what's stopping me a lot of the time.

I want everything.

I want to be the girl I can see in my head.
She does right,
makes A's,
is kind to everyone,
keeps her problems to herself,
doesnt gossip,
relies fully on God,
is not tempted by the world.
I see her.

I cant reach her.
But something in me knows thats ok.

One time I thought my chest was going to cave in on my heart.
But it didnt.
I'm more of a fighter than I give myself credit for.
I dont have a crush on anyone.
People are so alone.
It's us against the world.
But we can fight it.
Finding myself is terrifying and wonderful.
I dont have anything under control.
I'm a humungous mess.
But I couldnt live without clutter.
I couldnt live having it all together.

What comes is better than what came before.

Sometimes its healthy to not look back.
But sometimes its healthy to let it catch up with you.
Its too exhausting to run and run and run.
I should travel more.
Im not sorry I met you.
I wish sunflowers were not my favorite flowers because of you.
But I cant not love them.
They are so wonderful.
I love how they follow the sun as it goes up and down the sky.

I'm completely mad.
But madness is a characteristic I have learned to embrace.


I laugh right before and right after I cry.
I laugh at all potty, peverted, and immature humour.
I laugh at irony.

Everytime I have a fevor I have the same dream
where I try to balance on moving pipes high in the air.
I don't know why but it never fails to come.

I apologize to my lovely roomate daily for being strange.
and so fickle.
so so fickle.
I really wish I was more decisive.
by the way, if you dont know Asenath...you should.
She's awesome.

I constantly change.

I am too emotionally-driven.
I act like my mother. (not thats its a bad thing. :) )
I harbor anxiety.
I am selfish.
I shake when I get really really angry.
And that only happens with two people.
Ever.
I shoould read the Bible more.
I Should have more faith.
I am judgemental. (I'm working on it with God, I promise.)
I wish things.
Probably too much.
I have a lot of opinions.
and a lot of them are biased and so irrational.
I care what others think.
I worship the world. (once again, working on it daily)
I'm a hazard to the "ME" generation.


How can one be so happy and yet
realize so many faults in themselves?

God has a sense of humor.
I shall improve.
:)